DON'T BE AFRAID TO PUT YOUR GODDESS OUT THERE

 "When people believe in  themselves they have  the first secret of success" -                Norman Vincent Peale

Now that the weather seems to be warming up we will, once again, be wearing our warmer weather clothes. The last few days have been unseasonably warm in the midwest and I began to notice something. I saw alot of women who couldn't wait to shed all the heave clothes. Some of the thinner women I noticed were even wearing short shorts and tank tops. I felt it was still a little early for that but, nevertheless, alot of my plus-size goddesses were still wearing long sleeves and plenty of camouflaging layers. They had to be really warm but chose to be extremely covered up anyway.  I say we need to stop hiding ourselves under a pile of clothes meant to bury our inner goddess and make ourselves as inconspicuous as possible.  Let your goddess shine!  Who says we are not as worthy of wearing whatever we want as anyone else. I say just try it once. You may not feel good about it at first but eventually,after you keep telling yourself "I am fabulous! Why shouldn't people notice me? I am a goddess"!, you will feel much better about yourself and become bolder in your wardrobe choices. Let your inner goddess come out to play- wear bright colors, short sleeves, shorter pants. Let the world know you feel great and nothing anybody else thinks is going to change that! Get out there and enjoy the beautiful spring weather in comfort. The world will begin to understand the goddesses we are.

WE ALWAYS HURT THE ONES WE LOVE


"Don't you dare, for one more second, surround yourself with people who are not aware of the greatness you are." -  Jo Blackwell-Preston


Sorry I've been away for awhile , it feels good to be back.
While I was out of town, I was talking to several of my goddess friends and heard some rather disturbing stories.  We were talking about one girl in particular whose family has as little contact with her as possible because they are all thin and she is overweight and they say they are ashamed to be seen with her. This broke my heart. All she wants is to spend time with the people who should love her unconditionally and they don't want to have anything to do with her. As family members it should not matter what size someone is, we should all love each other unconditionally.  she has said "it's alright, I have plenty of friends who love me." It's great that she has a support system, but it's sad that her own family cannot get past the judgements they feel they must make about her. We are all worthy of being loved and the people closest to us need to believe that.
 I heard another story of a family that was going on vacation to a tropical climate. They had three  grown daughter's, two of whom where thin and one who was overweight. The overweight daughter was not invited. When she asked why her mother replied "I thought you would be uncomfortable. You'd have to wear shorts and a swimsuit". The daughter said she would not feel uncomfortable but her mother said it was too late to change their plans and include her.  What her mother was actually saying was that she would feel uncomfortable and she would feel like she was being judged- it really had nothing to do with her daughter's feelings. This is so sad.
 Why can't we realize how much we hurt those closest to us? We look to our families to love us and care about us no matter what and all to often we are let down. We just need to remind ourselves that no matter what anyone else says we are worthy of beig loved unconditionally and it starts when we look in the mirror every morning and say to ourselves "you are fabulous, I love you!" It may be hard in the bginning but I can tell you it's worth it. If we don't love ourselves how can we expect others to. Even if your family members never change their attitude, you will always know you are worthy and what others think should never alter our opinion of ourselves.One of my friends always says -"family can get to you more than anyone , they really know how to push your buttons." This is probably true but we must all learn to rise above it and not let it get to you when they try to talk you down. Always remember you are fabulous just the way you are and if they don't understand that it's a shame.
 Someday I hope we all can realize just how much we can hurt the ones we love, till then,just remember to love yourself everyday.

PUT YOURSELF FIRST

"Most of the shadows of this life are caused by standing in one's own sunshine"-
 Ralph Waldo Emerson

Why is it that we spend so much time trying to please others and so little time not making ourselves a priority in our own lives?  Could it be that we feel we are not worthy of being a priority?  We should all be our own #1 priority.  So many goddesses I talk to feel they need to be people-pleasers and make everyone else in their lives a priority, and, if there is any of their time and energy left, they give it to themselves. As women, I think many of us are conditioned to think this way.  We all need to start putting ourselves at the top of our own priority list. We need to appreciate ourselves more.  I think we all spend to much time feeling less than fabulous and we need to remind ourselves how great we are!
 Start by making a list of all your good points- kindness, hard-working,creative, whatever you feel are your best attributes and things you do well.. Once you start listing things you will begin to realize there are more wonderful things you can say about yourself than you thought. Try to list as many things as possible -challenge yourself.
 You will begin to see you are definately worthy of being a priority in your own life. Everytime you make a to-do list "do something nice for me" should be at he top of that list. Pretty soon you will begin to feel so much better about yourself and your whole life. It's a real attitude changer. 

Why must we always feel self-conscious?

"self pity is our enemy, if we yield to it we may never do anything wise in this world" -  Helen Keller

  Why must we all feel self-conscious?  I was talking to one of my goddess friends recently and the subject of going out to dinner came up.  she said she always orders a salad or something healthy looking because she constantly feels like people are judging her. "I never order what I really want.  I feel like everyone is staring at me and thinking -look at that fat woman eating that steak!"  I was surprised that she was so self-conscious and even more surprised how many others felt the same way.  I used to feel like that but no more.
  Here's an excercise- one day last summer I decided to wander down to the food court in the mall and order an ice cream cone. I decided to sit outside and eat it with the biggest smile I could muster on my face.  I was sending a message to the world that I was happy and didn't care what anyone else thought.  The result? 3 strangers sat down next to me because I looked like a fun person to talk to.  They weren't judging me, they wanted to get to know me. It was eye-opening.
  Since then I go out to dinner alone once a month and order whatever I want and smile through my dinner.  I am sending a message that I am fine just the way I am and it's o.k. to order whatever I want.  In fact, as I look around the room I see many women looking like they are envious that I can do this.
Give it a try. Get out there and live your life!  Enjoy your life!

A STARTLING STATISTIC

"Someone's opinion of you does not have to become your reality" -  Les Brown

 We are constantly bombarded by images in the media of thin people.  Everywhere you look- in ads, on t.v., in the movies, there they are.  Society has been programmed to think that if you're not thin you're not fabulous.  I say this is totally not true, in fact, I believe "real women" are much more fabulous .  We are real and should learn to accept how fabulous we are instead of buying into other people's idea of what fabulous should be.  The media makes you think that you need to strive to be thinner, younger and more beautiful. We should be asking ourselves-" Who defines what's beautiful?" 
 Why can't we be happy with who we are?   Ever wonder who's behind the push to make us feel inferior?  Here's a startling statistic- The diet and fitness industry wants you to feel inferior because if we were all happy with ourselves it would be a disaster for them.  The diet and fitness industry makes $40 Billion a year.  Yes, I said 40 billion!  If we all suddenly learned to love ourselves for who we are, they would crash and burn.
 Why do we feel the need to try all these fad diets and pills anyway?  They do more harm than good for the most part.  I talked to one woman who is 60 pounds overweight (by all accounts obese) but her doctor told her she's healtier than he is.  Granted, this is not always the case, but we need to realize that we are being manipulated and there are huge profits being made from it.  We all need to stand up and say "I'm beautiful as is!". We need to stop buying into the media's idea of the perfect woman and remind ourselves we already are perfect and nothing anyones else can say will make us feel differently.  They will keep trying to make us feel inferior, but with $40 billion at stake they're not about to give up. We need to remind ourselves everyday that many people who are trying to make us feel less than fabulous are only motivated by the money and don't really care about us personally.  You're inner goddess knows this instinctively so let her voice be the only one you listen to.

Listen to you inner goddess

" To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you someone else, is the greatest accomplishment"-  Ralph Waldo Emerson



The reason so many goddesses I know have a problem believing in themselves is that they've forgotten how to listen to their inner goddess- that little voice inside that tells you that you are fabulous just the way you are. We are all born with an inner goddess but her voice gets drowned out over time.  We spend so much time listening to everyone else in our lives - our family, our friends, the media and other people around us- that we allow their voices to drown out our inner voice. 
 So often we allow other people's image of us to become our own.  What we need to do is quiet our minds and push everyone else's voices out and learn to get in touch with our inner goddess. Trust me, she's in there. Your inner goddess knows how beautiful you are and how amazing you are and you need to trust your inner goddess and believe it.  We are all born knowing we are amazing and it's a shame that we allow ourselves to lose it.  Just because you are a plus size does not make you any different on the inside and that's what you need to remember everyday. Remind yourself every chance you get how fabulous you are and how much better the world is with you in it.  Pretty soon your inner goddess will be the dominant voice in your head.  Don't let anyone else's voice ever let you feel less than fabulous again.

                        The Black Hole

 "Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are" -  Malcolm Forbes

Today I'd like to address a subject that is very passionate for me. Too many women I know have fallen into the black hole.  They wear black all the time. So many goddesses will come shopping for new clothes and fall in love with an item that comes in 4 different colors and invariably end up with the black.
This makes me sad.  We tend to walk around like we're in mourning all the time. Many women are, in fact, in mourning - for the person they used to be when they were 'thinner'. It's as if they feel that person was more lovable, more beautiful and more worthy than who they are now simply because they've put on weight.  You are still the same person inside and you need to remember that more often.
 I hear it so often, that age-old tale, "but black is more slimming".  The truth is there are many women who actually don't look that good in black, in fact, there are many colors that are much more flattering than black depending on your hair, skin and eye color. So many goddesses I see are afraid to try some colors, afraid they'll stand out too much.  I say- what's wrong with that? We are fabulous and there is no reason we should not stand out. 
 Too many goddesses wear it because everyone says they should because it is "slimming".  My answer to that is "why do you care what anybody else thinks?  wouldn't you rather wear a color that makes you feel happy?  Color is a great mood elevator so stop depressing yourself and get out there and start wearing happy colors.  Where is it written that we do not deserve to be as happy as someone who is thinner? (not here that's for sure).
 Try to look at yourself with a more objective eye next time you try on a bright, beautiful color and you'll see I'm right.  You'll feel better and look better too. 
 Wearing bold colors is a sign of confidence and if you wear them often , even if you're not too confident now, may make you feel more confident. 
I had a discussion with my friend's brother and some of his friends recently. They said that if they're out a bar, or anywhere else they happen to be, looking to meet a woman they will not usually approach women wearing black. "Too many body issues",they said. They told me if they walked up to a table of 4 women, three were wearing black, one was wearing red and the one who was wearing red was 30 pounds heavier than the others, they would still approach the woman in red .  "She exudes confidence, that's the woman for me.  The other women would be perceived by me as more insecure."  I found that interesting that such a small thing could make such a big difference in people's pereceptions. But some of the goddesses do feel very insecure about their bodies so they may have a point.
 I think we should all stand up and say "I am beautiful just the way I am and I will wear more colors that reflect  how happy and fabulous I am.

       why do we always feel self conscious?

   "Of all the judgement we pass in life, none is more important than the judgement we pass on ourselves" -   Nathaniel Brandon

I observe some fs the plus size goddesses I know interacting with their thinner friends and they suddenly become shrinking violets.  They don't dominate the conversation, they try to fade into the background and it is clear they feel self conscious.  Why do we do this to ourselves?  Why do we feel so unworthy of being the center of attention? 
I think we have been bombarded by so many images on t.v. and in the print media that we feel we are less worthy of being the center of attention than the thinner women in the world.  This is so wrong, especially since the avrage size of a woman in North America today is a 14. There are as many women in America today that are a size 18 as there are a size 8!  Why should we allow ourselves to feel inferior?  We are fabulous women with alot to offer.
I talked to some of my shrinking violets about this and the reaction was "Oh, I could never allow myself to be the center of attention! Everyone would be staring at me and making judgements . They would all be thinking 'she's so fat'. I can't handle that".
I think they are judging themselves harder than anyone else would. In truth, other people don't even think about things like that as much as you do. We all need to appreciate ourselves for the goddesses we are and stop worrying about what other people think. Trust me, it's very liberating.

You are Worthy

                        You  are Worthy

          "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent"-                               Eleanor Roosevelt

Why is it so easy for us to believe negative things about ourselves and so hard for us to see the positive? In our society we constantly feel like we are being judged. Why should it matter what other people think of you?  What really matters is what you think of you.  I meet so many women who are constantly worried about how they are perceived by others.  We all need to remember that we are fabulous just the way we are (we were all created that way, self-doubt is a learned behavior not an instinctual one).  We need to look at ourselves in the mirror everyday and tell ourselves how fabulous we are and that nothing anyone else says or thinks about us is important.  Once you begin to love yourself, your whole world changes.  You feel so much better and it shows.  People will take their cue from you and treat you better but only when you start to treat yourself better.

         "the way you treat yourself, sets the standard for others" -
            Sonja Friedman

Embrace your Inner Goddess

             Embrace Your Inner Goddess

This is for all you plus-size goddesses out there . I sell plus-size clothing for a living and I cannot tell you how often I see women come in with low self esteem, simply because they are a plus-size.  I believe there is some truth to the saying "more of me means more of me to love" but I also believe this means we should start by learning to love ourselves.  Always remember, your size has nothing to do with your self worth.  We are as valuable to the world and as worthy of love as anyone who is a size 6. Oprah Winfrey has called being overweight the "Last acceptable prejudice in america", and it's a shame that it is.  We can change things by first loving ourselves and realizing that what other people think of us is not important, it's how we feel about ourselves that matter.  We need to get out from under the stigma of being overweight. We are all goddesses and need to appreciate ourselves as such. (have you seen the pictures of ancient Greek Goddesses? These women are not skinny, skinny women don't qualify.)  In the future I will explore ways we can feel better about ourselves and begin to change other people's perceptions as well. Stay tuned.